I don’t remember a time when personal drive and passion didn’t work together to get results. There were always certain things I couldn’t have, or can’t have now, which I still want the opportunity to explore. If I were to gain control over those things, I would have to change peoples’ minds. I would have to take control away from them. I couldn’t do that.
Letting go of those certain things is difficult, but I think that’s why I want more control over my response to what happens. It isn’t a constant in my life, but in the past, I spent plenty of time analyzing and worrying about things that had or hadn’t yet happened. I self-sabotaged myself before I could even try to succeed. I spent a lot of time ignoring what needed to be dealt with.
I’ve grown up a lot since those years, and I spend a lot less time festering. But even with great personal transformation, there are a couple parts of myself I’m not fond of, nor respect. Some parts have been with me for a long time; others are new. Either way, I hope to gain more control over how I react to myself so I can grow again. I hope to do the right thing. Now, it’s just a matter of figuring out what that is.
Thinkies & Thoughties is inspired by The Book of Questions by Doctor Gregory Stock. Grab a cup of coffee — or something a little stronger — and sit down, open up, and share yourself every Friday.
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