There are two traits I have admired and wanted to acquire for many a year now: A sharp tongue and perfect timing. Now, I’m not interested in harming anyone with my words; it’s more about responding to someone in a witty or humorous way without even trying. And, of course, if I ever do come up with a witty or humorous response, it’s too late.
I often feel crippled by my inability to plunge, and I think my struggle with delivery and diction is the most personally aggravating. And, I think my regret for sabotaging myself before I can try something (especially when the task is mundane) is finally strong enough to fuel an attempt at a transformation.
I’ve been a tutor at a college writing center for a little over two years now. I was just hired at another college writing center and begin tutoring here in the fall, yet I’m creating a couple training workshops over this summer. A coworker asked me for a huge favor today: cover her 3-hour shift because she needed to take care of her children. Because I’m new to this particular writing center, I froze. Even though I have been tutoring for two years, I felt intimidated by the task only because this writing center is foreign to me. She begged me, and I still said no. Fucking pathetic. I do this with so many things because I have a positive image of myself, and when I’m threatened by the possibly of failure, I frequently choose to stand still.
I’m tired of this.
So, yeah, I wish to be funnier and timely, but most of all, I ache to do what I want without allowing fear to cripple me.
Thinkies & Thoughties is inspired by The Book of Questions by Doctor Gregory Stock. Grab a cup of coffee — or something a little stronger — and sit down, open up, and share yourself every Friday.
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